Simian Mobile Disco - Temporary Pleasures album review

Dance music albums are a curious beast. Stretched out over an hour or sometimes more, the result is often a collection of songs that just don’t sit right, ironic considering the people in question should be experts at mixing tracks together.

The sophomore album from duo Simian Mobile Disco is much the same. The album doesn’t work as a pre-club listen, which is probably one of the only times someone would care to sit through the whole thing. Luckily for James Ford and Jas Shaw, there are a few belting tracks on the album that haul it out of the mediocre and into the quite good.

Lead single ‘Audacity of Huge’ is terrific, Yeasayer’s Chris Keating’s electronic vocals drilling through a retro Prodigy crossed with Klaxons sound. The sparse arrangement of ‘10,000 Horses Can’t Be Wrong’ is almost as good, with its daring breakdown ensuring it will be a hit in the clubs.

The album’s trend for using guest vocalists is both a help and a hindrance. When it works, it’s great, but when it doesn’t, the songs invariably sound like bad versions of the guest’s own song. ‘Bad Blood’, featuring Alexis Taylor from Hot Chip, and ‘Cream Dream’, starring Super Furry Animal Gruff Rhys, are prime examples of this.

While the first half of the record just about manages to hold attention, the second half tails off badly, with nothing ear-catching on show until penultimate track ‘Ambulance’, a near six minute epic instrumental breakdown piece that would probably catch fire on the turntable in a nightclub.

The album closes with ‘Pinball’, with vocals supplied by fellow electronic duo Telepathe, a woozy, vague piece of music that holds more interesting beats and rhythms than much of the album, but that inevitably loses its way towards the end of the track.

Ford is probably now best known for his work as producer of Arctic Monkeys‘ second album Favourite Worst Nightmare (and their new one Humbug) and Klaxons’ debut Myths of the Near Future. If he and Shaw going to make a name for themselves, they’ll have to do better than this.

This review was written for Muso's Guide.

The Verve split up – again

They’ve been together and then apart more often than Kerry Katona and whatever her bloke’s name is, and today reports suggest that the Verve, for a third and probably final time, has split.

Guitarist Nick McCabe, with whom singer Richard Ashcroft always had a rocky relationship, wrote on his MySpace back in April that as far as he knew the band were on a permanent holiday.

And now the Sunday Mirror, as reported in the Guardian, claims to have a source suggesting that McCabe and bassist Simon Jones thought Ashcroft used the reunion in 2007 to get his solo career going again. Since no new Ashcroft material has surfaced this year, that appears unlikely. The pair have now launched a new band together called the Black Ships.

“As far as Nick and Simon are concerned the Verve no longer exists,” the source said. Apparently. “They think Richard was just using the reunion as a vehicle to get his solo career on track.”

But it does seem that the Verve are no more – and this time it looks like it’s for good.


This article was for The Music Magazine.

Calvin Harris rants on Twitter: part 2

Apparently, Calvin Harris has an album out soon. So he’s turned to the most modern of self-promotion acts – throwing another hissy fit on his Twitter.

You may remember a few weeks ago when the British Phonographic Industry drew the ire of the bespectacled producer-popstar, and this time it’s, guess. No, not war. Not world poverty. Not even swine flu. No no no. The poor baby got a bad review for his new record.

Here’s the highlights in abridged form. It’s pretty funny. Excuse the shouting. Mr Harris’ caps lock button is clearly broken. And the swearing, he’s as potty-mouthed as ever:

THIS ENTIRE INDUSTRY IS FULL OF RICH PEOPLES KIDS, EVERYWHERE, FUCKING RICH PEOPLES KIDS RICH PEOPLES KIDS.

RICH PEOPLES KIDS GETTING GOOD REVIEWS BECAUSE MUMMY FUCKED THE JOURNO IN THE 80S (but it was acceptable in the 80s, non? Hur hur)

FUCK YOU RICH PEOPLE YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME I DON’T GIVE A FUCK I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE YOU ARE ONLY RICH PEOPLE.

Harris then played the ‘music for the people’ card.

RICH PEOPLE MEAN FUCK ALL TO ME SERIOUSLY. I’M MAKING MUSIC FOR REAL PEOPLE AND REAL PEOPLE DANCE – RICH PEOPLE STAND AT THE BACK.

Imagine you just spent 2 years of your life making a record. on your own. every single day, long hours, working to get it sounding right.

imagine the buzz of making something that you love, and after 2 years you finally have something you can’t wait for other people to hear.

then imagine that cd landing on the desk of “snide rich persons kid” or “pathetic london scene-FACE”.

then them skipping through the tracks in their lunch break, and saying “well its calvin harris isn’t it? 2 stars, he’s a dick head”"

Then he went for the sympathy vote.

I’m telling you now that it doesn’t feel good.

but, how is it that i’ve been playing these songs to 20,000 people at festivals this summer, and it’s gone off every single time

Because they are drunk. Or idiots. Or drunk idiots.

Anyway, we suspect that this tantrum is solely for plugging his new record, which is out soon, or something, so we’re going to refuse him the pleasure of mentioning what it’s called, when it’s out, what’s on it, or any of that bumf. Fuck you, Calvin Harris! Yeah!

And for the record, Mr Harris – I’m far from rich, my Mum didn’t fuck any rock stars, and I still think you’re shit. And a bellend. So there.


This article was written for The Music Magazine.

Welcome to Turf Moor, Andre Bikey

Defeat at Stoke on the opening day was disappointing but expected. We matched them in open play but you have to defend set pieces well at the Britannia Stadium and we didn't. Two sloppy moments cost us the chance of a result. We'll have to be more streetwise than that if we're to survive this season.

Owen Coyle was already looking to bolster his back line and today he's made Andre Bikey, of Reading, his latest signing. Bikey will be well known to Clarets fans after his hilarious antics in the first leg of the play-off semi-final back in May.

First he conceded the penalty from which we scored the only goal by pulling back Steven Thompson, and then he was sent off for stamping on Robbie Blake. Bikey then wrestled his shirt off, hurled it to the ground and threw the mother of all tantrums before leaving the pitch. Reading missed him badly in the second leg, which we won comfortably 2-0, and he's not played competitively for them since due to the extended suspension he received for his antics.

Despite his questionable temperament, Bikey is exactly the kind of player we need. He's big, much bigger than any of our other defenders, very strong and also quick. He'll go straight into our back line for the Manchester United match tomorrow night as captain Steven Caldwell is still out injured. He'll be a tremendous addition and gives us a much better chance of survival.

It's always good to play United early. They famously start slowly and this season they have major defensive injury problems. Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic, Gary Neville and Jonny Evans are all doubts, so we'll have a great chance to cause a shock result on our home Premier League debut.

That said, Wayne Rooney looks like he's set for a huge season ahead of the World Cup and he's obviously the man we have to stop. I'm not sure Dimitar Berbatov will fancy it with 20,000 screaming locals baying for his blood, and Michael Owen looked rusty when he came on at Old Trafford on Sunday. But even with two of United's biggest playmakers in Cristiano Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez leaving the club this summer, they're a phenomenal force and most people will be expecting us to get a pasting.

But I'm quietly confident that we can get a result. Bikey's signing will give us a lift and the atmosphere promises to be very special indeed.

This article was written for Fanzone on TimesOnline.

Stoke 2-0 Burnley

Premier League new boys Burnley fell to an ignominious 2-0 opening day defeat to an unforgiving Stoke City team who exposed the Lancashire club’s defensive frailties.

The Clarets struggled to cope with the Potters’ strength and height from set pieces and the game was over as a contest by half time as City scored twice.

First Ryan Shawcross rose unmarked to head home Liam Lawrence’s free-kick, and then Clarets defender Stephen Jordan flicked a header into his own goal from one of Rory Delap’s torpedo throw ins.

It was harsh on Burnley, who matched Stoke in open play, but made shoddy mistakes at the back. The visitors missed their skipper Steven Caldwell as well as suspended new signing David Edgar.

But the Clarets also looked toothless in attack, with record buy Steven Fletcher restricted to one half chance, from which he forced a good save from Thomas Sorensen.

Burnley will need a vast improvement if they are to avoid being rooted to the foot of the table after their next four games, in which they face Manchester United, Everton, Chelsea and Liverpool in a rude awakening to life in the Premier League.

Stoke showed enough of a threat from set pieces to show they should have enough to avoid relegation again, although their trio of strikers Ricardo Fuller, James Beattie and Dave Kitson were restricted to just a small handful of chances between them, with Kitson hitting the bar in the best of them.

Burnley will need to smarten up their defending of set pieces of they are to avoid a real struggle.

This report was written for FansOnline Burnley.

The XX: The XX album review

Little is known about London foursome the XX. They are (deliberately, at a guess) difficult to search for online, and they don’t seem to have given many interviews. But I have discovered that the brains behind the project, producer and multi-instrumentalist Jamie Smith, shares my name. So that’s a good start. We have something in common already.

I can tell you, however, that they’ve made the finest British debut album of the year, a hugely accomplished collection of songs that puts them right at the forefront of what constitutes boundary-pushing.

The eponymous release is simply staggering; with most of the songs jaw-droppingly good. I’m not exaggerating. It’s simply superb. Let me try and explain why.

They’re basically the anti-Horrors, which is probably why I love them so much. Whereas the Southend scenesters lavished pointless layers of noise all over average garage-rock tunes for their bafflingly critically-acclaimed sophomore album Primary Colours, the XX are the sparsest, most publicity-shy band I’ve heard all year.

Two instruments are usually more than enough, with the sumptuous vocals of girl-boy pair Romy Madley Croft and Oliver Sim dominating proceedings on top of swirly, whirly soundscapes that make you wonder how the band aren’t Icelandic. It’s frost-bitingly cool. My ears are tingling writing this as I listen.

The standout track and centrepiece of the album is Shelter, a stunningly basic track that slowly builds up to epic levels, without blundering around with multiple guitar lines or overblown hooks. Croft almost strays into aping Metric’s Emily Haines on the vocals but she retains enough of her own charm to avoid being a complete rip-off. Croft’s vocals also sound a little similar to the breathy Sarah Nixey of Black Box Recorder.

Basic Space has had fans foaming at the mouth with its Vampire Weekend-ish African clave rhythm but in reality it doesn’t properly reflect the magnificence of this band. There are more than enough ideas in the XX to last most bands a lifetime. They could do literally anything after this. The world is theirs for the taking.

If we still gave ratings for albums, this would be a ten, easily. It’s really that good. It’s so exciting, I need to go for a lie down. Wow.

This review was written for The Music Magazine.

Stoke City V Burnley match preview

Burnley go into their first top flight match in 33 years with defensive problems, although Reading’s Andre Bikey looks set to sign for a near club record equalling fee in the next few days.

Burnley will definitely be without the suspended David Edgar and the injured Michael Duff, and Steven Caldwell tweaked his groin playing in Scotland’s 4-0 thrashing at the hands of Norway on Wednesday and may be unable to play.

That would leave Clarke Carlisle as the only recognised centre-back in the squad, giving manager Owen Coyle a choice of Chris McCann, Stephen Jordan or Richard Eckersley to accompany Carlisle. However, Caldwell is sure to want to lead the team out at the Britannia and it would be no surprise to see him play through the pain.

In the middle is where Burnley have their riches. Coyle has played 4-4-2 more often than not in pre-season and packing the midfield is a pointless tactic against the Potters’ long-ball game so it seems likely the Clarets will go into the game with four in midfield and two up front.

£3m man Steven Fletcher is a certainty to start as the only regular scorer in pre-season and Martin Paterson – who played for Stoke as a youngster - will partner him assuming he recovers from a hamstring problem in time. Steven Thompson and Jay Rodriguez are likely to be utilised from the bench.

On the flanks Coyle has four to choose from: Chris Eagles, Robbie Blake, Wade Elliott and loan signing Fernando Guerrero. However, Elliott may be deployed in the centre of the park, as he was for the latter stages of last season and indeed as he was at Wembley where he scored the wonder goal to seal promotion. Coyle will probably blood Guerrero in the reserves and from the subs bench before throwing him into the team.

Coyle also has the problem of what to do with Graham Alexander. The veteran had a poor game in Norway on Wednesday for Scotland and showed last season that he isn’t capable of playing in a central midfield two. But if Eckersley is deployed at centre-back in place of Caldwell, he could be asked to revert to his old position of right full-back.

Stoke’s baseball cap-wearing boss Tony Pulis has had a quiet transfer window, with Sunderland’s skipper Dean Whitehead his only signing of note. Whitehead will slot straight into City’s midfield alongside former Clarets target Glenn Whelan, with Liam Lawrence and Matthew Etherington likely to line up on the flanks. Former Liverpool man Salif Diao will be another midfield option, but he will start from the bench.

Pulis will have to work out where to put human catapult Rory Delap this season – as a player he isn’t good enough for the Premier League but his throw is a weapon that unsettled even the best last season.

In goal Thomas Sorensen has bags of experience but at the back Stoke have mainly young talent. Ryan Shawcross had a terrific debut top-flight season in the middle of the back four and City will look to him to keep improving and to build on his already solid partnership with Abdoulaye Faye. Unfussy and uncultured but strong lads Andy Wilkinson and Carl Dickinson are likely to be the full-backs, although journeyman Danny Higginbotham will rival Dickinson for the berth on the left.

Up front, January signing James Beattie was one of the main reasons Stoke finished in a lofty 12^th and he will again lead the line, with Burnley’s former nemesis Ricardo Fuller again pitting his wits against the Clarets. Dave Kitson has been in stunning form in pre-season, however, and he may have forced his way into Pulis’ plans despite an inauspicious start to his Potters career last term.

Stoke’s direct tactics have been well documented but if they are to match last season’s impressive 12^th place finish they will need to come up with a plan B. Burnley are well versed in dealing with hoof-merchants after a long season in the Championship and will fancy their chances of coping with Stoke’s attacks. But the likes of Lawrence, Fuller and Etherington have a bit of quality that makes them the likely match-winners for the hosts.

Burnley will look to Chris Eagles to show why the club forked out a record fee for him last summer as well as hoping Steven Fletcher and Martin Paterson will come up with the goals to keep the Clarets safe. All the games in the Premier League will be tough for Burnley but this is sure to be a tricky start with the Potters support always making it difficult for away teams.

But the Clarets know a result is vital with a horrible run of four virtually unwinnable games coming up after the Britannia trip, and will do enough to collect a first ever Premier League point, with Fletcher bagging a debut goal.

Prediction: 1-1

This article was written for FansOnline.